Day 159: Mile 2563.4 - 2572.9

Slept last night, some, but not well. In fact, intentionally so. I wanted to charge my devices in anticipation of going to town--that way, when I get to town all I need to charge is my battery bank--but I forgot to charge during dinner, so I started charging late, then intentionally slept poorly so I'd wake in the middle of the night to unplug it all (otherwise it keeps going and drains the battery to zero). Also, I needed to wake up early, so sleeping poorly helped that. But as the morning dawns, I'm not rested at all--my Garmin watch measures "body battery", which basically says how well you slept at night, and on a good day when I wake I can get it up to 70/100. It's at 5/100 right now. My nerves are frayed, I'm can't calm down, I feel the need to go go go, push push push, rush rush rush, go faster faster faster. But that just makes me liable to make mistakes and out here, mistakes mean I end up not only hurt, but possibly dead. Better to be reckless and dead than slow and alive, my brain is telling me, you have to go. Go where? To do what? Doesn't matter, don't think about it, just rush rush rush go go go.

And then when I broke camp in the morning, my tent frame snapped in two. And it didn't even faze me, I'm so numb, and I look at it and it looks like one rung just became unscrewed and I screwed it back together, resolved not to do housekeeping, and moved on.

And I got walking, and the start was through brush, and my legs were getting wet since I wasn't wearing the rain pants--they had ripped so severely yesterday I didn't want to rip them even worse on a day it wasn't raining--and I was in a deep valley so no sun to dry my pants.

And everything still sucked.

Then I got a message from Double Snacks. She had stayed in Stehekin, had camped at the Lakeview Campground. And there was charging available: there was a charging area under the deck by the store. And hearing that, I realized something. I realized that all yesterday, I was just acting like an overprivileged little snot. Thinking I could get a room in Stehekin: that's pure, unadulterated luxury. I was just expecting too much. I mean, there are hikers who got through the storm of the past few days in shorts, a T-shirt, and effectively a trash bag over their heads. That sort of "make do with what you have", made me embarrassed for the childish fits I was throwing yesterday. And that's one of the dangers of the trail, that sense of privilege that can creep in. Stehekin doesn't owe me anything, certainly not a room. And if it gives me just a flat spot of sandy dirt to pitch a tent, well, then that's just going to be enough and, even more, it's going to be good. At dinner today, Marina (yep, met Marina again!) would ask which day of the storm was the worst, and I would say the fourth day, the day the sun came out. And it's because all my expectations of how good a day it would be, were shattered. But honestly, all those expectations--especially the ones regarding Stehekin--were based on a sense that I somehow deserve these exceptionally nice things. I don't. It's generous enough to give me a place to camp. I should be grateful for that and, now, with my head screwed on back right, I am. So, now, I'm good. It's embarrassing because I'm not going to delete yesterday's entry as I should to preserve my dignity, but now, I'm good.

What about the hiking?

I've been told that the last day into Stehekin is supposed to be super cruise-y. But these last 10 miles today, they ended up being a lot of ups and downs, mostly dipping into gullies then climbing back out. So very short ups and downs, but ups and downs nonetheless. It ends up looking flat on the map, but still required more than a little effort on my part. And I think the argument is that I'm supposed to be strong enough by now that this *is* cruise-y, but the counter to that is that I'm also tired enough by now that even this work. But it was doable, and the weather was beautiful, so while I was racing a bit to get in before the 12:30pm shuttle, overall the hiking was demonstrably fine.

There were a couple of huge cedar trees on the way. Double Snacks had once said that if I saw those and didn't feel anything, well, that was my last shot to be impressed by forests. And I must say, I *was* impressed. Even stopped and, despite the rush, pulled out the tripod to get my picture taken with one! 

And then I got to High Bridge, where the shuttle comes, and had about a half hour to spare. And there were a bunch of other hikers there. Sweetness and Redhead-Poppy, and Suave and V-Dubs and Jinx and Crypto and Mash and Strike Zone (that whole gaggle), and David (another David, David "Double-D" and not Beans, who I don't think I'd formally met before). And we caught the White Bus (there's a White Bus, run by Stehekin Valley Ranch, and a Red Bus, run by Stehekin town proper) and went into town!

So there are three places to eat in Stehekin. There's Stehekin Valley Ranch, 2 miles from the trail; there's the restaurant at the Lodge, 11 miles from the trail and in town proper; and there's the Bakery, just outside of town proper. Turns out the restaurant and Bakery were closed today. But luckily we could eat at the Ranch. The White Bus stops at the Ranch--got there around 12:50pm--and then heads out for town at 1:20pm. So we got into the Ranch and promptly wolfed down a burger or two: very literally in the case of Sweetness, who had condiments dripping down his beard. And then we got on board the White Bus and headed into town!

And town was, well, town. Stehekin is this little town along the shores of Lake Chelan--the only way into town is either by boat or to walk in as we did--and it's a small town, with one little main section of a few "blocks" with by the docks. Very pretty, and very calm I imagine for the folks visiting there. But for us, very busy: chores chores chores!

* Laundry--there's a public laundry, 2 washers 2 dryers, only operates on quarters. The store will change bills for quarters, but *only* bills for quarters: no credit cards for quarters allowed. And there's no ATM in the valley. I had bills, no problem, but Sweetness and Poppy didn't, so we just ended up sharing a load. $1.50 for the washer, $1.50 for the dryer.

* Showers--there's a public shower, right next to the laundry. You can buy soap and conditioner at the store--buck a piece--but no towels. And the shower is quarter fed: $1 for 2.5 minutes. I put in 10 minutes worth--make sure to do it slowly, hear each quarter hit the bottom before feeding in the next one, or the machine will jam and then no one gets showers--and got my shower under nice hot water. Felt good. Then walked out in my rain pants to air dry--luckily, it was a nice sunny day in Stehekin.

* Post office: open until 4pm, but the guy in the back is very nice, great sense of humor. I picked up post after my shower and didn't have my neck knife, so asked if he had a knife. To open packages, you mean?, he said. Yep, I said. He fished out a letter opener. Will this work? Sure, I said. Ok, just don't kill anyone with it, he said.

* Dinner. Normally I'd eat at the restaurant. Barring that, I'd buy a bunch at the Bakery, save half for dinner. Barring that, it turns out the Ranch does serve dinner. You need a reservation, though, so go to the fly-fishing shop down the road, and there he can put in a reservation. To get there, take the Red Bus at 5:30pm ($8), and when you put in your reservation, you'll prepay for the shuttle back from the Ranch to town ($8). So that's what I did. Not complicated, but when you're trying to juggle laundry and showers and resupply and now a multi-step dinner process, all within a few hours of afternoon, it gets a bit hairy.

* Dry. Oh, and I should probably dry out the tent too, right? Did that on the lawn outside the laundry/shower. Did it a bit late, of course--too much to do--and got it, well, mostly dry.

* Camping. There's the Lakeview Campground, just past town, up the hill, and that's where I camped. Each campsite has a picnic table and a designated spot in the bear boxes, so I set up my tent, left my pack on the picnic table (it's a small town, nobody's going to steal my stuff), tossed my food stuffs and post office boxes in the bear box, then jogged back to the store to catch the Red Bus out for dinner. Just made it!

* Charging. The store has a big wide deck. Under that, there's some picnic tables and also a space for charging: they've laid out a bunch of power strips you can plug into. So that's where I charged, hunting for one that would allow quick-charging. That's also where I sat in the evening--atop some salt bags for iced-roads--to work on some blog entries and to call home. It was a nice spot--the water is just across the single-lane street--but for me, I didn't get the time to appreciate it, just need to get things done!

* Resupply. Wanted to do this before dinner in the light, ended up sorting this after dinner in the dark. But it was fine: I know what I'm doing by now. Nothing fancy, just sort out 6 days worth. Few decisions to be made. Lots left over; stored it all in the bear box for tonight to drop in the hiker box tomorrow morning.

* Restrooms. Oh man flushable toilets are so nice you don't even know!

I kept wanting to stop to take pictures in town--it's really pretty and really does have that calm feeling--but was always too busy. The only reprieve was dinner, where I ended up sitting with Marina and Seth and Rally and Matt--that crew. They had come in in the afternoon and Marina had seen me at the laundry and said hi. And I had told her of the dinner plan and she had convinced the crew to do it too. So we all ended up at dinner at the Ranch, which was good food--they do a cafeteria style thing where everyone sits together at these long wooden tables, their feet in sawdust and hay (they really want the "ranch" feel). And we talked. And Marina asked whether I had started feeling the end of the trail yet and, honestly, no, I don't. I still feel the need to go, rather than the need to slow down and enjoy, mostly because the storm still burns (freezes?) in the back of my mind and I'm worried the weather will turn. And she asked what my most sought post-trail meal will be. And I thought, well, lots of vegetables and fruit but to pick one--hmm. And I came up with my tofu dish: just squares of tofu, fried with a little oil in the pan so the outsides change color, some spices on top--salt of course, then pepper, maybe some cayenne--top it with diced green onions. Simple, very plain, but if done right, very fresh tasting. And I asked a bit about her plans after the trail, and she was ruminating a move to San Francisco--both Seth and Matt are based there, it seems--and maybe take some time off a be a ski bum. And I laughed at that, but out of camaraderie: it makes sense, honestly! Take some time, decompress, be in a place where you don't have to push and strive every day, where you can just sit and relax and maybe do something, maybe not, every day!

And on the way back from dinner, I spoke to a couple on the shuttle about the PCT. And they were retired, but he had a plan to visit every National Park--he'd visited 23 out of 62 or something like this. But they keep adding more parks, he lamented in jest. But we chatted all the way back, and he said how he'd have done the PCT were he younger, and I said that the way they're doing it is good. Because the PCT--the miles are always in the back of your mind, you're always pressing for them, you can't but not! But they can take their time, and they don't have to feel rushed, but can come to really know a place rather than just pass through. And even now, towards the end, I still believe that, and when I think of home and ("my beloved", as Randy Franz put it) Santa Ana Mountains and Cleveland National Forest, I dream of taking just the simple hike from the Candy Store down to Oak Flats, walk that mile loop, mull over the hills with some cows, talk to Old Man Oak and say hi again, and just lounge and eat lunch under the oak canopy. Then come back. That aspect of hiking--getting to know places, getting to stop and hear them, all that the Second Old Friend indulges--that I miss on the PCT.

And that was the hike!

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Some notes:

-- Cedar Camp > Swamp Camp > Agnes Gorge > High Bridge Historical Cabin > Stehekin

-- I did see Works Hard today! When the white bus stopped, he was one of the folks who got out. But he looked ok, looked in good spirits. He was the one who confirmed that the Bakery was closed today, but did mention that they had some pastries left in the gazebo that we could pick up, paying on an honor system. (Which we did end up doing.) He was heading back out today--so he'll be at least a day ahead--but hoped to see me on his way out after turning around from the terminus and heading back to Harts Pass. And I look forward to that: it was just good to see he was ok, that he got through the storm, and that he was pressing to get this thing done!

-- I did get a chance to talk to Sweetness and Redhead-Poppy a little while we waited for the laundry to finish. Poppy tends to sing on trail--I noticed it at some tree puzzles when she and Sweetness would slow enough that I would catch up--and by sing, I mean sing, with a light vibrato and everything. Turns out she's in musical theater, although that got shuttered with COVID, but she's looking forward to getting back into it. Until then, well, she's hiking the PCT!

-- Incidentally, going to Stehekin Valley Ranch for dinner wasn't my idea: it was Dirty Jobs and Paparazzi's idea, and they were the ones who did the research into the reservations and shuttles and all the details. I just kludged off of them and then relayed that information to Marina and suddenly a whole bunch of hikers are off to SVR. And that's kind of how things go in town: information just sort of spreads and if you're in the right place at the right time, you hear it and you get a warm dinner. And if you're not, well, you come up with something else. It does lead to a lot of anxiety for folks like me, who prefer to be more planned and less spontaneous, but it also works out more often than I'd think.

-- There were other things Marina asked at dinner--she's rather casually thoughtful that way--and one was which day in the storm had been the worst. And I said that the worst had been the fourth day, the first day *after* the storm, when all my hopes for a good day after the storm had fallen through. And she commented that it must have been hard coming through the storm by myself, with nobody to talk to, nobody to complain to. But I realized that I *had* someone to complain to: I complained to Ian. And, honestly, thinking about it now, that's not really been fair of me, throwing all my negative emotions on someone else. And furthermore, a someone else who's been helping me out so much! And, sure, it may have been a natural thing to do, but I don't think it was the right thing to do. And it's not a good feeling, realizing first how weak you are, and then realizing how when you can't take it, you lash out on other people.

-- Also, in retrospect I realize that I never got to turn Marina's questions back to her to hear *her* answers. Which was rather self-centered of me. More things that make me feel bad.

-- In the evening, I went ahead and fixed a guideline on my rain fly that was starting to fray pretty badly. Better to replace it now, at a campground under clear skies, than later, in the rain and mud when it would invariably have snapped. It's a simple repair: a bit of cord, make a loop, tie it off with a double fisherman's knot. Only--even after all this time--I *still* can't remember the knot. Nope, every time still need to pull up the image on my phone, struggle through converting 2-D to 3-D, mess up more than a few times, before finally getting it. Ack, you'd think I'd learned it by now!

-- Camping cohort: well, it's a campground, so there are folks. I know Dirty Jobs and Paparazzi down there, and David over there, but there are a couple other tents besides of folks I don't know.